Nicole - 1987

 

Twenty-four years ago today, my oldest daughter, Nicole, was born.  Nicole has been a joy in my life since before she was born.  Due to the death of my first child, I wanted a child more than life itself.  I have a great appreciation for motherhood.  So, it was with great joy and thankfulness that I cherished her birth and life. 

 

For me, my greatest calling is to care and love the children that God has entrusted to my care.  I love Nicole, Katelyn and Bailey with all that I have and all that I am.  I have been blessed to now have a wonderful son-in-law, amazing grandson and a granddaughter on the way.    

 

Nicole has always taken on life with such passion, motivation and energy.  She is creative, intelligent, organized and willing to take on any challenge.  She has a zest for life and compassion for others.  Nicole is so beautiful, both inside and out, and she is a wonderful Mom.  I am so proud of who she is and how she has grown.  She is a wonderful person! 

~Happy Birthday Nicole!  I love you!~

Nicole and Carson

  Conflict, Confrontation and Communication! Yikes!  What a topic…  Have you had difficulties with anyone lately?  Or should I say have you had a conflict during the last week, last day or last hour?   I think that in “being human” we will have conflict, with others, on a daily basis in our life.  They may not always be HUGE conflicts, but there are small things that can cause difficulties in our relationships with others.  So….  What do we do? Many people try and avoid or ignore these conflicts or pretend that things “don’t bother them”.  Then, before they know it, one small thing happens and sets off an atomic bomb in them, which turns into ranting and raving.  This leaves the other person wondering, “What happened, what went wrong?  What did I do?” because the explosion or confrontation is out of proportion to the incident.  Others think that it is helpful to continually point out the things that the other person does that bother them - “Why did you do that?” or “Let me show you how it should be done.”  This approach is also not helpful in improving relationships with others; in fact, it can tear relationships apart…. So, what can we do when we have conflict and need to confront someone? In my experience, it is helpful to look at the situation and see if there really needs to be a change.  Does the situation really need to be addressed?  If I answer yes, then I need to have a plan.  If I have a plan, the other person is more likely to receive my comments, so change can actually occur.   Here are my three suggestions for confronting others:   

1.  Learn to express your feelings through three loving attitudes:  warmth, empathy and sincerity.               
   1. Warmth – the quality of being intimate and attached;
   2. Empathy – the ability to understand and identify with a person’s feelings;
   3. Sincerity -  showing a genuine concern for a person without changing your attitude toward him/her when the circumstances change
2. Learn to share your feelings, when angry or irritated, without using “you” statements; instead replace them with “I” statements. 
3. Learn to wait until your anger or feelings of irritability have subsided before you begin to discuss a sensitive issue. 

None of us like to be criticized, regardless of how much truth is in the criticism. No matter who we are, we usually become defensive.  However, honest communication is important to all relationships, in fact that is how our relationships can grow.  I continually work on trying to express myself, even when I am upset, to show others that I do deeply care for them. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”   Proverbs 15:1

Play means to have fun!  Synonyms of play include:  entertainment, frolic, fun, happiness, pleasure, recreation and relaxation.  How would your life be different if you included "play" or "fun" every day?  When was the last time you colored a picture?  or played a game? "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."    George Bernard Shaw “Play energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities.”    Stuart Brown, MD So, how do you figure out how to increase "play" in your life?   The following steps are helpful in figuring out what interests you or even where to start!

Three Steps to Increase PLAY Into Your Life!

Step 1:  Identify how you currently PLAY and how much fun you have in your life

A.     What does play mean to you?  How do you know when you are having fun?  B.     What barriers keep you from play?  Do you have any believes that prevent you from having fun? C.    How can you change these blocking beliefs or barriers into strategies to play?

Step 2:  Identify your personal definition of PLAY

A.     What are your interests?  Complete the PLAY checklist of possible interests/activities.  B.     Are there activities that you used to do that you haven’t participated in recently? C.    Is there an interest that you have – something you have always wanted to do or try – that you have been putting off?

Step 3:  Develop your personal plan for PLAY

A.     “Do one thing every day that you love!” B.     Make a list of at least 30 fun, PLAY activities.  C.    Schedule at least one FUN activity each week – put it in your calendar, call your friend, MAKE PLANS!   D.    Make a personal commitment to yourself to plan to PLAY!  Remembering the benefits outweigh the cost.  So, do something FUN today...  let me know what you have decided to do!  ENJOY!

Communication is difficult.  Sometimes we avoid conflict at the cost of ignoring our feelings or avoiding interactions. Here are some phrases that can be helpful to use to avoid conflict with your children and/or others.  These phrases can work to prevent or minimize conflicts, as well as improve communication.  This is a way of communicating that is a win-win with parent and child, between co-workers or with your significant other. Try one or two of these the next time you have an opportunity.  let me know if it was helpful.  Here are the phrases: 1.  "I know that you wish you could _________, but that won't work today." 2.  "Can you think of a solution that will work for both of us?" 3.  "We'll try again later." 4.  "Tell me what you just agreed to do." 5.  "We don't need to talk about it right now." 6.  "That won't work for me."

As a parent, you see your child's talents and abilities better than anyone.  It is important that you encourage your child's success and assist others with seeing him or her the same way you do.  The following are useful tips to get you started-including 10 practical tips to help your child improve organization and focus at school and at home-and to work with your child's teachers to help your child do the best he or she can do every day. Ten practical tips to help your child improve organization and focus at school and at home: 1. Create a schedule.  Try to follow the same routine every day. 2. Put up a copy of the schedule to provide visual reinforcement.  Post the schedule in a prominent place so your child can see where he or she is expected to be during the day and when it's time for homework, play, and chores. 3. Try to keep tasks simple.  Try not to have too many things on the schedule for your child to remember.  This way he or she has a better chance of completing each task-which can provide a sense of accomplishment. 4. Help your child get organized.  Work with your child to create a "home" for his or her backpack, toys, and clothing so these items will be less likely to get lost.  Give your child a checklist that he or she can refer to before coming home from school, to help your child remember to bring home important papers and homework assignments. 5. Always try to use brief, clear directions.  For example, when reminding your child to pick up his or her clothes, consider saying, "please pick up your clothes" instead of "it would be nice if you picked up your clothes." 6. Limit distractions (usually).  It may help to have the TV, radio, and computer games off when your child is performing tasks that require concentration, especially homework.  However, some children with ADHD do better with small distractions, such as having the radio on (low).   You will know what is best for your child, although sometimes it may take trial and error to figure it out.  7. Offer choices so your child feels involved in making decisions.  However, it's best to offer no more than two alternatives so that he or she isn't overwhelmed or overstimulated. 8. Goals and rewards can be effective.  You can use a chart to list goals and track positive behaviors, then reward your child's efforts.  Goals should be realistic (think baby steps, not overnight success) and rewards need not be expensive (e.g., an extra half hour of TV time, choosing the movie on family movie night). 9. Decisive, positive discipline usually works best.  Using timeouts or removal of privileges can help, but try to tie the consequences to the inappropriate behavior (e.g., if your child doesn't wear a helmet while bike riding, he or she doesn't get to ride for the rest of the day).  10. Encourage your child's natural talents. You know your child has unique skills. When others see those skills as you do, it may lead to greater success for your child.  In addition, when your child is doing something he or she loves and is good at, it can build confidence and self-esteem. Six tips to work more closely with your child's teachers: 1. It's best to start with a face-to-face meeting. Let the teacher know that you value his or her input. Ask your child's teachers to be part of your child's support team. 2. Ask the teachers about your child's behavior (e.g., paying attention, focusing, sitting still). 3. Remember to listen carefully to what the teachers identify as your child's talents, abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. 4. Agree on goals you both want to see for your child as well as a timetable for achieving these goals. 5. Design a plan together to best support your child, including specific actions that you can both monitor.  If needed, request a meeting with your child's school to assess the need for possible accomodations.  6. Talk about how you and the teachers would like to communicate going forward (e-mail, phone calls, meetings, etc.).

It is National ADHD awareness week!  In the United States, 4 – 6 % of the population have ADHD – that is about 8 – 9 million adults.  Do you know someone that may have ADHD?  The primary symptoms of ADHD are:  distractibility, hyperactivity and impulsivity.  There are many myths out there about the causes of ADHD, such as:  it is not a real disorder or it is diagnosed too often.  Please follow this link and you can find out more facts and information about ADHD.  http://bit.ly/aUeOLa     Here are some other resources that I have found that are helpful:  www.additudemag.com  - ADDitude: Living Well with Attention Deficit – great resource for parents and adults with ADHD  www.chadd.org -  support groups and information for those with ADHD or family members For some humor…   You know you have ADHD when…

• you have lost your cars keys more than once in the last 10mins.
• you don’t have to buy and write out Christmas cards this year…because you just found last year’s stamped and ready to mail…in the trunk.
• you can’t remember what you got up for until you sit down again.
• you spend two hours making a complicated list with flow charts and footnotes which organizes your next week, including meal planning and budget… and loose the only copy

Carson Paul Brothers was born one year ago today and I became "Mimi"!   There is a quote that says "Grandma's are Mom's with lots of frosting" and I think that it's true.  It is fun to be a Grandma!  You don't realize how young grandparents are until you become one yourself.  I am sure that all my friends would agree, I am a young Grandma.  It has been such a joy to have a grandchild and to have the privilege of being involved in his life on an almost daily basis. My oldest daughter, Nicole and her husband, Jamie became proud parents on 9/6/09 to Carson.  He weighed 9 lbs. 6 oz. and was 20.5 inches long.  Yes, he is a big boy!  I was lucky enough to be able to be in the room for his birth - what a joyous occasion.  I am amazed at God's handiwork and every time he goes through stages of development I am in awe.  I have been amazed over the last year at how he has grown and I have been so proud of my daughter and her husband at their ability to be wonderful parents.  Carson has been loved by all of us and is an amazing little guy. He had his first birthday party on Saturday and it was quite a celebration!  There were friends and family in attendance and the weather was perfect.  There was a water table, inflatable jumping barn, barbeque, home-made ice cream, balloons, chocolate fountain, birthday cake and of course, lots of presents.  It was an amazing party!  I have been blessed having Carson in my life.

I am so excited to have a new blog and would like to let you know a little more about me. I am a Christian wife, mother and counselor. My blog will focus on encouraging and assisting others with finding happiness, joy and contentment in life.  In my private practice I have found that sharing stories about my life experiences often benefits others.  It is my desire that you can avoid some of the mistakes I have made in life or maybe we will share common experiences. I love children and also want to help parents with parenting.  I believe that all children are unique and special, truly a gift from God.  Although the world wants to put children into certain categories, labels, or in my field - diagnoses, all children are individuals and have different needs. My desire is to help parents explore new ideas, try unique suggestions and improve the quality of life of their family! It is my life events, my experiences as a mother and wife, as well as my professional background that will be sources for my blog.  I have been married for 27 years to a wonderful husband and father, Fred. I have 3 beautiful daughters - Nicole (age 23); Katelyn (age 18) and Bailey (age 15).  Nicole is married to Jamie and they have an awesome son, Carson (age 1).  Yes, I am a Grandmother!  I know that as parents, the best laid plans always change! No day is perfect and it is important to look for the blessings in each day. Problems, crisis or incidents are really opportunities... opportunities to grow, learn and love your family! Please send me any life, parenting, counseling or relationship questions or concerns.  I would like to use this forum to answer questions that you may have about these topics.  Also, please share my blog with your friends.  Thank you!